Got a perplexing Bossing question? Hear the perspectives of I. BossWell, Will I. BossWell, and Wen I. BossWell in the Dear iBossWell ® column.

Dear IBossWell, One of my peer managers is getting a lot of accolades for his leadership, both from his subordinates as well as our boss. I’m not getting those kind of remarks, yet I think I’m just as good a boss as he is, we even have similar quarterly results. And, to top it off, the team he is leading was my team last year. Should I be concerned?- Unappreciated Adam

Dear Adam,I know it doesn’t feel good to feel unappreciated, so let’s see what we can do. It’s a great sign that you are aware and concerned about this difference you are seeing. One of the first steps in great leadership is to increase self-awareness of your behavior and how it impacts others. So let’s see what we can discover is different about what you’re doing versus your colleague. First off, you say he is being acknowledged for his leadership. An important quality of good leaders is the ability to provide frequent sincere acknowledgement. We have found that such a practice becomes contagious on a team, and once the leader starts it, most others begin it as well, creating a culture of support, appreciation and high motivation. Perhaps this manager has created such a culture on his team, including with his boss (see the next letter below). I ask you to think about how often you acknowledge your team members…do you try to catch them doing something right and commend them on it? Perhaps you’re not receiving any acknowledgements because you’re not giving any out. Do you tend to be more critical or more supportive with your people? Are you balancing your focus between both managing the business AND supporting your people? Great leaders know how to keep an even balance between the business management issues and supporting the growth, development and performance of their people. You mentioned the reason you believed you were just as good a manager was based on your quarterly results. Business results are an important factor in the equation, and what about the other factor - how do you treat your people? Are you being a humane leader? You also called your direct reports “subordinates”, as opposed to your team members. Humane leaders do not put themselves above their team members – rather they work with them, appreciating that each role is critical to get the job done. Are you focusing on just telling your people what to do, or are you working to encourage and support them to achieve their goals?I encourage you to think about these questions, maybe even ask a trusted colleague what they observe. Could you talk to your boss about this for his/her input? Consider a professional leadership coach. Have you ever done any leadership assessments – there’s a great deal of insight to be gained from that process. What’s important is that you seem to already be on the path of self-discovery by asking your question. I encourage you to continue, as you will find tremendous benefits in both your performance as a manager, as well as your professional satisfaction when you truly lead with a balanced focus on your people and the business.Best of luck to you - IBW

Further Reading:

If you have an IBossWell subscription, you can read more about asknowledgement in our Practical Applications in Tools for Bosses.Classic Books List Also consult business books like Why We do What We Do: Understanding Motivation, by Edward Deci et al, and Punished by Rewards: the Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise and Other Bribes, by Alphie Kohn.

Dear IBossWell,I have a boss who overall is pretty darned good. There are times when I would like to acknowledge him, but I’m afraid it might look like I’m trying to suck up. I truly believe in your philosophy regarding the importance of acknowledgement and am particularly aligned with how it can reinforce positive behaviors. (I think that would be another good reason to be able to commend my boss.) Do you have any specific advice on how to tell your boss you like what they are doing without your colleagues – and maybe the boss - thinking you’re working on that next raise?- Stumped in St. Paul

Dear Stumped,I commend you on your desire to want to acknowledge your boss’ good work. It sounds as if you are very sincere in your desires and intentions here – which is probably one of the most important factors in effective acknowledgement. So – how to do it? Here’s 5 easy steps:1. Check your intentions and make absolutely sure they are sincere and that you truly appreciate or admire the behavior you are about to commend. 2. Be specific; focus on a specific behavior or action or situation. Begin by describing it.3. Describe the positive impact it had on you. Be as specific as you can.4. Then simply say something to the effect of “thank you very much, that meant a lot to me,” or “that was great, I really learned a lot from this,” or whatever the personal outcome was for you that brought about a positive reaction. 5. The key: be sincere, specific and keep it simple. Also, we typically suggest giving such acknowledgement one-on-one. A typical exception to this would be if your entire team wanted to offer a group acknowledgement. If this is the case, go through the same steps as above, just do it with the full team, and recognize that it is from the team.Remember, providing positive feedback, even to your boss, is certainly a great way to reinforce positive behavior.Best of luck and please let me know how it goes!IBW

Further Reading:

See notation above.